Get the f*** out of my way.

I’m sick of auditioning for people’s shit. I’m sick of getting my hopes up for a great role only to wind up in a room reading sides with more typos than I can count in front of an overweight dude with a handicam basking in his temporary power. Honestly, I auditioned for a role, in a non-porno mind you, playing a prostitute that gets murdered (along with all the other prostitutes in the whore house) by having a lit firecracker jammed up my vagina. No thank you. I’m sick of auditioning for rinky dink projects with heinous scripts and absolutely zero forward momentum.

I’m not one to sit around and bitch. I bitch and then I rack my mind to be proactive. So, deciding to take matters in my own hands, I decided I would write my own script. A script that wasn’t horseshit and a script about a kick ass character I wanted to play. I did this. TWICE. The first time, with the help of a few co-writers, we wrote a pretty awesome 30 minute sitcom pilot. The creative part was easy, I can trust myself to do that and do that well. I was at a sort of roadblock, though. I don’t know jack about the technical stuff. I don’t know how to get locations, equipment, lighting, camera angles, and so on and so on. Turns out having a delusional friend thinking your script is their ticket to fame, claiming ownership, and then forcing you to get lawyers involved will completely make all technical aspects of that project completely disappear.

Currently I’m at that same roadblock again on another project. At this point I’m slightly jaded and feel like I’m the only person I can rely on. I could take matters into my own hands and go back to school or put a massive amount of effort into learning all of the technical stuff, but I don’t really want to. I can’t afford to spread myself too thin, I want to be an actor! Not a writer, not a producer…I think. Shut up. I’ll do what I have to do. Geez.

So I find myself in the uncomfortable position of having to rely on other people. I somehow have to find people that give a shit as much as I do, will work as hard as I will, and, oh yeah, AREN’T BRAINDEAD. They’ve got to be out there somewhere. As pissed off as I know I sound, ultimately I’m pretty sure that I’m an optimistic person. I guess I have to keep auditioning for other people’s crap too. I mean, counting all the ri-god-damn-diculous situations I’ve found myself in so far, maybe probability is on my side by now?