Progress in 2010?

In 2010:

I went to Actors Connection 8 times.

I went to One on One 21 times.

I went to the Network 11 times.

I had 25 appointments with my therapist.

I shot 2 on-camera projects.

I had 2 independent improv groups.

I got new headshots.

I overhauled my resume.

And I added 37 new industry contacts to my address book.

I began this year in an independent improv group formed at UCB. We were practicing pretty regularly and performing frequently up until we indefinitely took a break for the summer. I took 1 improv class at UCB in the spring, after which I was invited to join a different independent improv group. We practice regularly but have yet to perform. This will hopefully happen in January. I'm beginning 2011 by immersing myself in improv 3 times a week! I'll be practicing with my team, taking my first ever class at the Magnet, and starting a new class at UCB.

I also began 2010 wanting to focus on commercial work, meeting as many agents and casting directors as I could. I was happily using copy that in subsequent months would prove to be painfully wrong for me. I took classes with both Barry Shapiro and David Cady. Nothing came of my 5 months of efforts. Or shall I say, nothing has come from it yet. What I did take from these sessions was the urgent need to update my headshots and give my resume a professional new makeover. In retrospect, I think I probably seemed very green and oblivious to these industry folks. I'm not sure what my commercial direction will be in 2011. I think I may have to reintroduce my current self to these potentially valuable contacts. Just like with my resume, I need to scrap my current website and start from scratch.

For the last few months I've been focusing my attention on television, mostly sitcom and comedy work. I feel much better about these later auditions than the commercial ones earlier in the year. I think people took me more seriously when I had the appropriate professional materials. I also rapid-fire bombarded myself with classes so I was forced to learn and forced to learn fast! In just 3 months I went from being insecure and ill prepared to getting virtually no notes. It could be a coincidence or mean nothing at all, but I'm willing to accept that as progress.

I did a super crappy job at auditioning this year. I am shocked at how few I attended. This absolutely needs to change in the upcoming year. Considering I barely auditioned, it's pretty impressive that I got to be on set twice in the last 12 months for 2 separate projects. I would love to drastically inflate that number as well. For some reason auditioning was not high on my list this year. I think I was really into taking classes, making industry connections, and doing improv that I just didn't allocate enough time to looking for auditions. In that respect this past year was not at all a waste of time, but I have to get back into the auditioning groove.

As Marci Phillips said recently in class: Trust that you are exactly who you are supposed to be right now. We can think that we are talented enough and experienced enough but not be mature enough yet or have personal issues that need to be sorted out. I am exactly who I am supposed to be right now. I think at the beginning of this year I thought I was ready. I was not. But the work I did this year on my auditioning skills, being professional, and healing of my mind and body have brought me closer than I ever have been to ready. Will I be ready in 2011? Maybe. To a certain extent I can't control when I actually am ready, but I can control being readier every single day of 2011 and into 2012.

Optimism! Yea, Yea!

I just saw Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson just a few performances before they close on Broadway. A girl in my improv group was raving about the show back when it was at the Public and I really wanted to see it there but couldn’t get my shit together.

The theater looked fantastic, it was decked out in a bazillion Christmas lights and chandeliers. The set reminded me of Rent meets American Idiot (which I despised, by the way) meets Roundhouse (you know, from Nickelodeon SNICK circa 1993?). There were all kinds of taxidermied heads on the walls and one full sized animal hung upside down over the audience. There was a complete drum kit set up on stage right. The ambiance was way way different than at most shows. I had to buy restricted view tickets because the show was sold out so I had a really odd angle for much of the action on stage left. I wasn’t worried at first but it turns out a lot happens over there. Also, understudy Heath Calvert went on for Benjamin Walker in the title role of Andrew Jackson. (Tess saw the show the night before I did and warned me that it seemed like Walker was losing his voice!) I had mixed feelings on this. I’ve learned to not feel gypped when I see an understudy because so much of the time the understudy is just as talented as the lead but this was the lead lead! Calvert did a nice job but seemed to need some warming up to get into the swing of things and really be the leading man. At first I was disappointed, Andrew Jackson decked in very tight jeans and a super fitted t-shirt is supposed to be dead sexy. I did not want to jump his bones until about the middle-end. I suspect some of that could be in the writing and character arc but I suspect more that Calvert was finding his footing.

I should have seen Bloody Bloody at the Public. There were a lot of things I really liked about the show, and I’ve heard others say this already, but Broadway sort of seemed a strange venue for such a show. Bloody Bloody is not your traditional musical. It’s not even your traditional rock musical (if there is such a thing). It takes place on a smaller stage, it has shorter musical numbers, there’s not a ton of dance numbers, and it’s sort of choppy and abrupt. It’s also edgy, provocative, and actually funny (I’m talking way more than hokey-predictable-musical funny). To clarify, I really really liked the show but can see how it confounds the average Broadway patron. The cast was all relatively young, I see more of an alternative, comedy, UCB-type crowd loving this show. That crowd does not necessarily spend Broadway ticket kind of money to attend theater.

For all these reasons that Broadway was not the perfect fit for Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson, I love that it's on Broadway anyway. Bloody Bloody is fresh and modern and doesn’t use the same traditional boundaries that even the most risqué (which is not that risqué) Broadway shows abide by. I love that critics embraced the show and that something truly different and somewhat unconventional can win a spot, no matter how fleeting, on illustrious Broadway.

Jeff Hiller plays John Quincy Adams in the show: click here. He’s great and I've seen him perform tons of times at UCB (where he’s also great) and so without actually knowing the guy I kind of feel like I know the guy. He’s been in tons of commercials and he has surprised me by showing up in movies like Morning Glory and Ghost Town. Jeff Hiller made it to Broadway! Projects like Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson need to make it to Broadway so people like Jeff Hiller can make it to Broadway so people like me can keep hoping. Anything can happen in this crazy business, anyone can succeed, and in the most unlikeliest of vehicles.

I also decided to catch In The Heights before it closes on January 9^th. In The Heights is a very nice, mild show. The themes are very familiar and the format is predictable. The subject matter is kinda current and some of the music is vaguely interesting and different. The performances were decent and the show blends into Broadway seamlessly without making waves. All in all it was some forgettable shade of good. Love it or hate it, Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson is not the type of show you forget.

Branding

As an actor there is a ton of marketing that one can choose to do or not do for oneself. Ideally I’d like my work to speak for itself, however I am not so naïve as to think everyone gets where they are with hard work and talent alone. As in any other industry, it’s all about who you know (and who knows you).

I have an actor friend, Tess, who is a marketing maniac. She sends out postcards every month or so, same with email blasts, she has a $400 actor website, she’s constantly plugging her work on her facebook page, and she has started hardcore distinguishing herself as a 40’s Bette Davis girl. I envy her vigor for this aspect of the business. I’ve had her buzzing in my ear lately (in a helpful, excited, proactive way not an annoying way. Yet. ) But now I can’t help wondering: how much is too much?

I’ve been wanting to update my website for over a year now, I’ve also wanted to get some web videos up there forever. I sent postcards out in the fall and am struggling to squeeze anything noteworthy out of these past few months for a Happy New Year batch. (Maybe Tess is just working more than I am? Is she working more because she’s doing all this junk?) Tess is encouraging me to embrace my style, persona, or whatever and work on branding myself. Her point is that people like an entire, clear-cut package to know how to categorize you. It's also easier to remember you that way. It's a shortcut into your personality which is the thing that is truly unique about you. She’s also throwing out some sort of kooky ideas about creating a logo to go along with my name. Like, some sort of symbol or punctuation that people will recognize after seeing a few times. And a catchphrase! Oy.

Is creating an entire brand for myself, an unknown actor, ridiculous or genious? Maybe my fear is that it’s going to seem like I’m trying way too hard in these irrelevant areas rather than in more pertinent ones. I don’t want to stick out from the crowd by being over the top and ridiculous! I also don’t want to bombard my contacts with excessive mailings. I’ve had numerous people tell me lately that it is their job to remember who you are and not to postcard them if you have nothing to say. They end up getting annoyed and remembering you in a negative light.

I can’t sit here and think about this too long and hard or I’ll just end up doing nothing. I guess I should do the things I believe in, like truly defining who I am as an actor, and let the rest naturally follow. That is, if it follows at all.

NYU. Shoot.

Why the hell did I not go to college in New York?

I just did a shoot in the television studio at NYU and the whole operation was very impressive. The studio is a forreal forreal multi-cam television studio and the whole class is the crew for the student who is directing each particular project. The teacher pops in and out but these kids really know what they’re doing! Like, the script I got was actually funny!

I didn’t know what the hell I was doing in undergrad. I’m so jealous of these NYU kids that got started on this stuff back in middle school and high school and knew that they wanted to go to college to study it even more. Everyone has their own path and their own timeline, but NYU looks like so much fun and I totally missed out. My undergraduate education was valuable, certainly, but more broad and therefore way less focused. Maybe in the long run that’s a good thing: being well rounded, but at this point in my career I wish I had a whole pack of college buddies that I could be working with now! When I was applying to college I was scared shitless of New York City, and kind of in complete denial that the college admissions process was happening to boot. I probably wasn’t ready…sigh…I wish I could go to undergrad NOW. I guess I could but I don’t want to be the creepy old lady hanging onto 20 year olds. There’s grad school but that seems too serious. I’m probably way better off sticking with my classes at UCB and bullshit. Meh.

Oh, and I need to spend a minute talking about how awesome it is to audition for something and GET IT! I feel like it’s been a really friggin’ long time since this has happened for me. When I read this script prior to the audition I knew the part was a good fit (which is major considering some of the garbage I’ve gone out for). The audition went well but I didn’t leave the room sure I nailed it. I have no idea how many people auditioned, but I’m pretty sure I beat out at least one or two other people! I had forgotten how amazing it feels to show up at a rehearsal for a director that chose to work with you. Then, being the neurotic human being that I am, I started stressing about doing a good job so he wouldn’t regret his choice! I guess that kind of thing keeps you on your A-game but my poor little shriveled up self-esteem…it probably gets better with experience. Just like auditioning, I have to assume the more times you’re on set filming the better you get. This whole thing got me all hot and bothered to audition more and to beat all those gaggles of hags to land roles.

Now I'm off to make extensive collages of cat mascots. Ciao!

Kindness vs. Honesty

Casting Directors come in all different shapes and sizes. They all have their own unique mix of preferences making it absolutely impossible to know how to please everyone. All I can really do is meet as many of these people as possible, take detailed notes, and try to wow their pants off (figuratively) when we (knock on wood, not their wood...gross!) meet again.

Let's do a detailed comparison:

I met Katharina Eggman recently of CBS. She's a 30ish normal looking woman with a Jeanine Garofalo-esque voice. She's extremely laid back, so laid back that she's cool with showing up 30 minutes late. Shit happens but this was the second time I met her and the second time she was so profoundly not punctual. In a class setting, everyone read their sides and everyone got notes. Everyone also did "a nice job." Everyone. Eggman is very nice and creates an incredibly safe environment but I don't honestly believe that everybody was nice. I also don't believe that she was making an effort to search her vocabulary for any other synonyms or adjectives. The first time I met Eggman was only 8 weeks prior to the second yet she did not seem to recognize me at all.

I don't want to make it seem like I didn't like Katharina Eggman. Because despite all these reasons I should, there was something inexplicably likable about her. Despite her generic notes, I found her supportive. In a private one on one setting I got to read two sides for her. I got notes on the first, did it again, then applied the same notes to the second one and only needed one read. Again, against logic, when she said I did a nice job I sort of believed her! She was easy to talk to and very complimentary.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, I took a class with James Calleri of Calleri Casting. He chose to focus his class on co-star sides and some of the scripts had only one line. According to Calleri we need to get good at these because as an unknown actor, these are the auditions we’re going to be going to now. Granted his class and Eggman’s covered very different subject matters, but Calleri and Eggman are very different casting directors. For Calleri’s class we were warned ahead of time to be on time because nobody would be allowed in the room late. Nobody showed up late so I didn’t get to see what the repercussions would have been. Calleri immediately took control of the room and taught. He has been casting for over 10 years and has a whole lot to say. It sounds like the guy actually knows what he’s doing. Calleri is unapologetically himself and at times (to an actor/pupil) he is intimidating and kind of scary. He doesn’t censor himself, throwing around f-bombs and slouching all the way down in his chair completely spread eagle while addressing the room. All the actors in the class got up and read 2 different sides. I was nervous as hell but things went pretty well. Calleri gives feedback on your outfit, your hair, your makeup, your dialect, whatever he wants!

Eggman was very kind and being in a class with her was very comfortable. The immediacy of that is warm and fuzzy but in the long-term it’s pretty much worthless. Comfortability doesn’t push you to do your best and, I’m sorry, but sometimes being kind seems like lying to me. It also seems sort of lazy! I mean, isn’t it easier to be generally kind than potentially hurt someone’s feelings with some constructive criticism. I like Eggman as a person but I don’t honestly know what in god’s name she really thinks of me! Maybe Eggman comes to these classes to meet new actors but she doesn’t come to class to teach. Calleri does. Calleri doesn’t so much care about your feelings and that makes his positive comments something to feel really really good about. Neither Eggman nor Calleri told me I was perfect, but I got some positive notes from both. I believe them both too. The main difference is believing Katharina Eggman kind of feels like believing in Santa Claus. Believing James Calleri is like believing in photosynthesis.

Only time will tell, however, if that phone shall ring. And who it may be on the line...

I Believe the Children are the (my) Future

It has all become amazingly clear: I need to be in children's television.

I was on the phone, talking to a somewhat boring person, when I started watching tv on mute. I was flipping channels and stopped on Nickelodeon. Watching iCarly, even without sound, seemed so zany and so energetic and so fun that I was compelled to watch more (not muted). It started accidentally, but I am now an avid watcher and (dare I say) fan of iCarly!

I've known for a while now that my ultimate dream job would be landing a steady gig on a sitcom. I love comedy, I love fun, I love hilarious misunderstandings, I love ridiculous circumstances, and I love wrapping up all my zany problems in a tight little 22 minute package. Give me some Three's Company or Perfect Strangers or Laverne and Shirley! I can only imagine that working on a Nickelodeon or Disney Channel show is like working on a prime-time network sitcom on crack!

In a modern age where sitcoms are finally making a resurgence, albeit in unconventional revamped ways, in children's television my beloved and nostalgic multi-cam traditional formula is doing just fine. In children's television the situations are allowed to be even kookier and characters are even farther over the top than in primetime tv, especially the adults. Kids are the boss in these shows, adults are just around for comic relief. Underlying in most children's programming is storytelling with an enormous amount of heart. There is a purity, wholesomeness, and hopefulness to it that is amazingly satisfying. As obnoxious as The Suite Life on Deck may initially seem, how terribly Miley and Billy Ray Cyrus' acting skills are, and as loud and yell-y as iCarly is, there is something that makes a bazillion kids and this full grown adult watch again and again.

Dan Schneider, call me!

Say CHEESE!

I need new headshots. This has been abundantly clear for a few months now but it is really truly time. I would prefer not to go broke while doing so, so I've done some research and narrowed the candidates down to three:

• Tanzie Johnson: I heard about her by word of mouth at the infamous Actors Connection. She offers very reasonable specials but they really are no frills.
• Bill Strong: I also heard about him because of Actors Connection. He has an enormous display up and I really like his pictures. They seem less glam and more dark and gritty. Barry Shapiro also dropped Bill's names as his fave!
  
• Nick Coleman: Carole Ingber gave me his name after I met her, also at Actors Connection. She wasn't a fan of my current shot but likes what this guy can do for a very affordable price.

After narrowing it down, I really wasn't sure what to do next or how to decide. I'm assuming that I will end up dropping about $500 including makeup which is a hefty chunk of change but for headshots is actually not so bad. That being said, I absolutely want to get my time and money's worth because I can't afford to screw these up.

I scheduled consultations with Bill and Nick and had a phone conversation with Tanzie. Since I was inquiring about a super special low rate of Tanzie's, meeting her in person was not really an option. I have to admit, I completely understood but was slightly turned off by that. She was very nice over the phone and sounded like she knew her stuff but it was kind of awkward. I didn't have a ton of specific questions, I just really wanted to feel her out, her personality and her energy. I didn't intentionally take Tanzie out of the running but I think it kind of happened subconsciously. Of the three candidates she was the only one I didn't meet, so she was the biggest risk.

Bill Strong was formerly an actor so he has that insight into headshot photography. I would guess that Bill is somewhere in his mid-late 40's. This mattered to me, he's been doing this for a while, he's seasoned, and he knows what he's doing. He's admittedly a perfectionist about hair and makeup which, in my opinion, is never a bad thing. We sat and talked about my career, what roles I'm gunning for, where I'd like to be going. He made me feel comfortable but not so much that I didn't feel like he was in control. I liked that. It made him more trustworthy. He's the trained headshot professional, I'm just the pretty face. I left the meeting liking him a lot.

Nick Coleman was super duper nice. He's younger, probably early 30's and is currently a working actor. I also sat and chatted with him for a long time. He's more open than Bill and less set in his ways, he doesn't seem to subscribe to rigid "rules". He had a very warm energy and thinks that the shoot should be fun and he, honestly, made me more comfortable than Bill. So comfortable that I'm uncomfortable. Like, I liked him. Like, I would totally date him. For some people, this might be an amazing reason to use someone as a photographer. For me, it was an amazing reason not to. I really think it would make me awkward and self-conscious. Oy.

I'm such a girl. I'm making an appointment with Bill.

RIP Mojo

Hey, how do you kill your mojo? Try meeting Doreen Frumkin.

Woah, now. That's a little harsh. That's a lot harsh, but what a downer. To give my poor victim some credit, maybe she's just a quiet, lower energy person. But here's what happened: I came to One on One equipped with my spankin' new Snapple copy ready to shine. I went into the room, read (this one was on camera) and...crickets. No feedback, no comments, no criticisms, no giggles or smiles...I was invited to sit down in a chair that was uncomfortably close to Frumkin where she studied my resume, asked me what I was up to, and...that's all. She was done with me. I felt like I was in the room for maybe 3 minutes. It sucked. I mean, after my last 3 meetings on Saturday I was expecting just a tad more than that. And maybe it wasn't my fault, but it makes me so freakin' paranoid that I totally messed up.

I'm slipping into a pessimistic abyss. What the hell am I doing? Am I ever going to get what I want? Sometimes I crave a career where I go to work everyday and do something I really care about. I don't give two (2) shits about my day job yet I'm there all the time and the career I really love, I don't even experience daily. It makes me think really hard about what other career I could pursue that would make me happy. I could be a casting director or a producer or a show-runner or something related to the field...and while those careers are challenging and competitive in their own ways I think I could structurally learn and climb a ladder and feel successful.

In my life to achieve optimum happiness, I think I would have to succeed as an actor. If I don't succeed as an actor my life would probably be filled with a degree of unhappiness. I also think a high level of happiness, while not optimum level, could be achieved in another field. This, however, is not taking into account regret and wondering what if? Is the risk of unhappiness worth that extra degree of potential happiness? It's the difference between living my dream and...not. Then there's this: who's to say that I will be happy if I have a successful acting career? I could end up completely alone and that wouldn't make me happy, there is a balance. I guess in life you need to find various degrees of happiness in various aspects of your life to make yourself generally happy. Or something. And this isn't news to anybody but for some reason it is to me.

I'm supposed to be doing this for myself. But really, I'm not having all that much fun. When I walk into an audition room I'm not worried about having a good time, I worried about what I have to do to make this dickhead think I'm the greatest thing to walk the earth. When told that I'm too worried about what other people think, I say, "Of course I am! I have to make other people like me in order to get work!" You don't make a living or a career out of making yourself feel good and having a good time. We, as actors, need other people to like us. I'm not trying to say I'm not genuine when I audition, I'm saying we have to play the game and I am determined to figure out how to win.

I'm really tired of being down in the dumps. This pity party's over. Fuck it. Fuck them all. I'm the shit and I do what I want.

Some Crazy Ass Shit

I just recently went to a commercial agentfest hosted by the Network. It was basically commercial agent speed dating. I also went to one of these last month and had a much different experience.

At the first one I used the copy I’ve been using regularly (the one that Barry Shapiro tweaked) and it received mixed feedback. On the one hand Kevin McShane of Fifi Oscard loved it, god bless his heart, he told me I received an A+ for the audition and to keep that copy forever because it was funny and unique. Kirsten Walther of CESD was mild-mannered and barely said a damn thing. And on the other extreme side of the spectrum the blunt and abrasive Ginger Dicce of Ginger Dicce Talent demanded that I leave the room to get new copy because mine was “too confusing”. She let me come back in the room with a cute Snapple copy that I snagged for later use and other such emergencies. Other than Dicce nobody flat out said anything negative about the copy itself.

My headshot also got mixed feedback. Lately people have been telling me that from my headshot they would expect me to be a fat girl! I’m not a fat girl! (They say that part too.) It has to do with the camera angle, how close-up my face is, and the fact that my face is, in fact, slimmer than it was when I took the picture. Granted, it has been 3 years since I took headshots and I am long overdue for new ones. Then again, some people say, “It still looks like you, your face looks pretty, keep using it.” It’s a goddamned crapshoot. Now I just hand it over, wince, and brace myself for the strong opinions coming at me.

Let me take a minute to say this is some crazy ass shit, yo. People’s opinions are all over the map and most of these agents (especially the older more established ones) really think that they’re all that AND a bag of chips. It doesn’t matter what you’ve heard elsewhere, they know everything and they are always right. So who the hell am I supposed to listen to? Everybody? Nobody? Myself? Ha, myself…riiight…In general, I prefer to see a young fresh face in the room. There is less ego, less power tripping, and more honest, friendly, interest and conversation. That’s this girl’s experience anyway…

At my most recent agentfest I got 4 out of 5 agents telling me my headshot was so lard-o-licious they would submit me for the lead in Hairspray! (I’m being completely serious here aside from “lard-o-licious”) I GOTTA get new pictures. And fast!

I used my old faithful copy for my first two “dates” with Michael Raymen of Buchwald and Marion Falk of Frontier Booking and I nearly got torn a new asshole. Raymen’s criticism was painful but constructive and most important of all, true. Overall, he just didn’t think the copy was the right fit for me. I wouldn’t get cast in that type of role, I was smarter than the character and it seemed like I knew that as I was doing the piece. Basically he confirmed that all of my insecurities about the piece were legit. Fine. For some reason I decided to chalk it up to a bad read, I was still getting warmed up. In the next room, Falk was way less constructive and way less direct. She almost seemed cunning in the way she did not insert her own opinion but asked what Barry Shapiro though of my copy, and quizzed me on casting directors. She seemed to enjoy criticizing and then told me I needed to take more classes with Barry. Neeext! I ran out of that meeting and ditched that copy like it was on fire. After the discomfort of that interaction I barely hesitated to get rid of my previously well-received copy and whip out the barely rehearsed back up Snapple one. After that it was smooth sailing. I had perfectly lovely meetings with Gilah Elul of Kolstein Talent Agency, Erica Moran of Avalon Artists, and Norma Eisenbaum of The Kransy Office.

This brings me to my next pondering: were Elul, Moran, and Eisenbaum just more pleasant people in general or were they more pleasant because I performed better? Raymen and Falk may have gotten the false impression that I was a newbie and unprepared because I read ill-fitting material and then they treated me as such when we talked afterwards. Conversely, did I give so much of a better first impression to the other 3 that they treated me more like a talented, in demand actor? I will say, it did help me to know that I had made a better first impression. It was much easier to relax and be myself and let my personality come out in our conversation knowing that the latter 3 liked me as opposed to feeling judged, criticized, and spoken down to by the others.

I felt really good when I left the first agentfest. It hadn't gone perfectly but I thought in general I had done well. I left the second agentfest flabbergasted and shell shocked. How am I gonna do this? How am I gonna fool some poor shmuck agent into liking me, and then fool some idiot director into hiring me? This is beyond crazy ass shit.

Aw, hell no!

What a day, what a god damned shitty day.

Yesterday I got a letter from my employer saying that I no longer qualified for my benefits. The only reason I work at the place I do is to get health insurance. The way it works, I keep my benefits if I work 240 hours per quarter which boils down to approximately 20 hours per week. Not bad at all. Well, I knew I was cutting it close this quarter so I've been picking up extra shifts to make my deadline. Turns out my manager was misinformed and told me I had one more week to hit 240 than I actually had. Here's the real kicker: If I had known, I could have cashed in 12.88 measely vacation hours to complete my 240! I have those vacation hours to use I just didn't effing know!

SO, I called the benefit center today to explain what happened. Basically, I have to submit a written request to review my case but in the meantime I only have health insurance until the end of this month. That is not ok with me. I couldn't help it, I just busted out into tears right there on the phone with this lady. She was very nice but she wasn't saying anything I wanted to hear! I have appointments with my shrink scheduled, I have a gyno appointment next month, I have a prescription to pay for...so the only way to get continuous coverage is to pay for COBRA. $380 for COBRA. I nearly threw up in my mouth. The lady told me I would be reimbursed if my case got resolved and there was just nothing else to do so I did it. I wrote the check. I'm already overly stressed about money, so this is just...perfect.

I wiped my tears, showered, and then prepped myself to meet commercial casting director Tony Pinchette at the Network. In my trusty planner I have written that this seminar was scheduled to start at 7:00. As I explained on January 15, at the Network you get your audition slot as you arrive the day of the seminar. Normally, arriving 30 min. early is plenty of time to nab a slot within the first 3. Wanting to get seen quickly and be on my way, I departed around 5:45 and arrived at about 6:25. When I entered the room I was shocked to see so many people there so early! I was the 10th person to arrive. Disappointed, I dropped my stuff on a chair and left to go to the bathroom in hopes of killing some of my 35 minutes of wait time. When I returned to the room around 6:48, Tony Pinchette was already in the middle of his schpiel. What the? I didn't know what to do. I am fixated with getting to these things punctually and not giving a nonchalant first impression. It is my personal nightmare to be the annoying asshole that walks in late. But I couldn't stand out in the hall for the whole time! So I went in late. I was not publicly humiliated but I was personally humiliated enough as it was, I had missed half of the Q & A and Tony clearly saw me come in late.

After the Q & A, I talked to the monitor who told me the session had started at 6:30. This made everything else make sense except: I don't fuck things like this up! I don't haphazardly jot things down, I always double check...sigh...the monitor was really nice so all that was left to do was to sit and wait. After about an hour of waiting I checked in with the monitor again and was told that Tony was currently meeting with actor #4!!! WHAT THE? What the hell was he doing for so long in that room with each actor? After another half hour Tony was only up to #7. This is when I seriously started to melt down. I had dinner plans that I was very much looking forward to after this seminar that I was pushing back every 3o minutes. I also had had an absolutely wretched day. Why would it not end? This was ridiculous! This was excessive! Perhaps Tony Pinchette was giving long thorough notes or meticulously analyzing us or just waxing poetic but WHAT THE FUCK! Maybe Tony had nothing else to do that night but I started to feel like what he was doing was extremely disrespectful for actors #4-12. I actually started to get offended. Nobody else seemed hot and bothered but I'm no pussy! My time is worth more than a rat's ass. I was able to check my personal baggage at the door for maybe 90 minutes but after that, the extreme weight of the sack of bullshit that was my day broke me. I teetered back and forth for a moment, but then I had to take control into my own hands and leave. The monitor was once again very nice and very apologetic explaining that this situation was highly unusual but that I could most likely get refunded a credit for this seminar. I left and it felt amazing. I have no regrets. Knowing my fragile mental state it felt like I was truly taking care of myself and it was empowering.

I have 1 more credit with the Network and I'm not purchasing anymore. What I went through was ridiculous and I can't believe people participate in such an asinine system. One on One is #1 the most respectful organization to it's actors. You schedule a time, you arrive for your appointment, and then you leave. Meetings are stopped at 10 minutes because really there is no need for them to be any longer because you're not taking a class, it's just an audition.

So, I didn't meet Tony Pinchette tonight. But I did have dinner and relax and vent to my friend. So BOOOOO stinkin HOOOO!

Course Evaluation

So my Barry Shapiro commercial class is over and I'm not sure what I thought of it. I like Barry. Like, as a person. He teaches class in his socks and will pick fun at you in a faux malicious way whenever he gets the chance. In addition, I'm 100% convinced that he knows his shit.

The class was taught at Actor's Connection. To take this class and experience the Barry Shapiro I had to fight my heinous aversion to the place and suck it up and deal. As I've learned time and time again, Actor's Connection takes money from whoever will pay. As a result it is home to all kinds of delusional, ignorant suckers who will hand over the cold hard cash. This class was not full of awful idiots but did consist of people who just seemed to be a step behind where I wanted to be. (Snobby? No. Realistic? Yeah.) It doesn't ruin the learning environment but it does set a tone.

Barry covers a lot in 5 weeks. Maybe that's part of the problem. He whizzes through topics so fast, then rapid fire has us try it, maybe runs it again and then swiftly moves on to the next person. I had some tics and idiosyncrasies pinpointed but had zero time to work on correcting them. Similarly, I didn't feel like I had enough time to master any of the things he taught. Forget master, at times it felt too fast to even have a grasp on everything.

Barry Shapiro and his class carry a lot of weight in the industry. When I mention his name at these sessions and seminars, agents and other casting directors respect and admire him. His class definitely taught how to audition for commercials but did not focus on how to catch someone's attention at these meetings I've been attending. I guess you can go ahead and apply the same techniques but it seems to me, to stick out, you need to find the right copy for your type and really do something with it. I wish we could have spent a little time on that: audition copy.

I wanted to get more out of this class. Maybe it was me, I usually went to class tired after work and as mentioned yesterday, I have not been a happy camper lately. I'm a little disappointed. Maybe that's what Barry wanted...for us to sign up for his advanced class.

Boooo March!

I didn't write at all in March. That was not intentional. I was just in a really bad mood and I didn't feel like it. I didn't feel like doing lots of things. It's hard to explain...maybe it's the change of seasons? Maybe it's an intense need to feel some level of success? Artistically...creatively...socially...physically...financially...Or progress? I'd be ok with progress too.

Maybe it started after my last trip home. It's always sort of depressing coming back to my NY life after having a really fun, action packed, friend and family filled weekend that I've been looking forward to back home. I dunno.

I'm still doing things. I haven't been holed up in my apartment wearing the same dirty PJs for weeks on end. I finished Jodi's class, I've been taking Barry's. I met 9 people at One on One/The Network. But I haven't felt myself. I maybe might be on the way to shaking this. I'm writing now, aren't I?

It's all in the details

My Barry Shapiro commercial class started this week. I wasn't sure what to expect, but so far I like what I saw. He's not a scary guy, but he's a no bullshit kind of guy. My favorite kind. Also, the type of teacher that will demand things of you that force you to stretch yourself to do good. At least this is what I gathered from 2 1/2 hours with him. For example, two people were late for the first class so he made them stand in the corner. While he did not draw it out and make them stand there all that long, this was not a joke, and I appreciated that. Besides, what asshole shows up for their first class with a working commercial casting director 20 minutes late?!?

About a week ago I met Amy Davidson and David McDermott on two consecutive days at Actors Connection. Despite a rough around the edges, tough love Q & A with Davidson I had a really great private meeting. It's absolutely the best I've ever felt after one of these things. I chalked it up to practice, I've gone to 5 or 6 of these by now and perhaps I've hit my stride. The next day, however, I had a just-ok meeting with McDermott. I've been using the fairly consistent notes that I've gotten: make it real and focused, not general and over the top and they were what Davidson was looking for. Conversely, McDermott encouraged me to go farther with it.

After thorough obsession I might have figured out what went wrong. The commercial copy I'm using is about someone going to "the biggest party in high school". I am quite obviously older than a high school student. This is something I've been slightly self-conscious of while using this copy, but I've held onto it because it is a lot more fun than most other copies I've read through. Nobody seemed to mind that I was "in high school" when I auditioned, I guess they were dismissing that small detail too. McDermott didn't, though. A high school student is excited for a party in a much different way than a twenty something gets excited for a party and so he wanted to see me go there. I was so used to scaling it back that I still didn't go as far as he wanted me to.

After class the other night I went up to ask Shapiro what he thought of the whole mess. "Easy," he said, "just change it to the biggest party since college." And that's it. Problem solved. I hope.

REDEMPTION!

I did it! I went to my Jodi Collins class this week and I really think I did it! I felt way better about my read this week and I think maybe people think I don't suck anymore INCLUDING JODI!

We got our sides a few days in advance this time so I had lots of time to obsess. I practically memorized them and then I changed the lines that I didn't love. Against everything I've ever been taught, I paraphrased to make things sound funnier coming out of my dirty mouth! It was amazing! And it worked! Hallelujah.

Another exercise we did in class was to collectively play casting director after each actor read. The whole class would "type" the actor and find good comparisons for roles to fit each individual. This is the kind of thing that one should be self-aware of for marketing purposes, and I've certainly tried to do it before. Apparently my self-assessment was off. The 4 actors I was compared to I never would have come up with on my own but I'm thrilled! I now need to stalk down: Maggie Wheeler, Vicki Lewis, Jane Kaczmarek, and Kirstie Alley! So fun! Especially Kirstie- LOVE HER! Some people, I know, are completely disenchanted with her repetitive personal girth issues of late, but not me. I loved Fat Actress, which she also wrote for, and I plan on watching her new A&E reality show. Maybe I could get the roles of Kirstie Alley, the longevity of Vicki Lewis and Jane Kaczmarek while staying skinny like Maggie Wheeler? That'd be nice.

You callin' me out?

Before I get torn a new one for taking an on-camera class when I, in fact, had vowed to focus only on commercial work for the moment, I'd like to explain! I signed up for and paid (in full) for this class before my vow. That's all. I'm glad I'm taking it though!

I think I'm getting better at the whole commercial copy/shmoozing deal. Last week I met Casey Purcell of CESD and I felt really great about it. I applied the notes I had gotten from the past 3 of these things and he told me that I had a nice clean read. I haven't heard from him (yet), of course, but like the others I'm supposed to follow up with improv show invitations in a few weeks.

So I'm glad I'm taking the Jodi Collins class, because as my confidence is growing in one area and I'm trying to get myself out there I can be honing my skills in another one in which I now have very low confidence. Despite my disappointing spirits it's good to know that there is a reason that I have not been uber-successful. Now it's been pin-pointed and I can work the shit out of it.

But, ah, low confidence. It sort of seems like a recurring theme in my career. For some reason I always feel like I'm coming in from behind, that all my peers are ahead of me and that I am constantly trying to catch up. I always feel late to the game. Nothing comes naturally, it all takes lots and lots of work. Maybe I'm too cerebral. Some people just jump right into things but I don't really do anything without careful deliberation. Ever. But, alas, these "peers" give me something to strive for. It's a reason to stretch my limits and push myself to sprint in order to catch up. And since I've had a lot of practice at this, I know what I gotta do.

I thunk I learned somethink

I never thought I was a particularly bad cold reader. That is, until now. I just started taking a comedy class with Jodi Collins. I'm not exactly sure why, I've never heard of her or anything but there was a picture of the Comedy Central logo next to her class listing...

I was trained in theater but since being in New York I've been way more interested in the film/tv side of the industry. I'm fully aware that there is a difference, but there is one difference in particular that I have been oblivious to and as a result I'm fairly certain that I've seemed brain damaged to many people that matter.

In theater, you are trained to be a stickler for your lines. You are taught that the playwright slaves over every single word and that they each have a very specific purpose and intention. Paraphrasing and ad libbing were very much discouraged. This training has certainly carried over into my cold reading skills. In addition, my recent class with Karen Kohlhaas on cold reading taught a very specific technique of staying with your reader on his lines and only going to the script on your own to generate a real reaction rather than a preparation for your next line.

For tv, apparently not...Jodi gave all of us sides to look over for 15 minutes before reading in front of the class on camera. Everyone read, got notes, and then had a chance to adjust. During the second takes I realized that a lot of times the words were different. These people were PARAPHRASING! And it seemed like everybody was doing it! I didn't know what to do, I had spent my 15 minutes worrying about character and backstory and actions and objectives. Should I have been memorizing? When it was my turn, I went with my Kohlhaas technique: holding my script up and out to create openness, staying with my scene partner, taking my time. My notes were not to hold my script so high, get out of the script, and pick up the pace! There goes $275 out the window. I adjusted as best I could, still uncomfortable with editing the prose, but apparently it was a little better. I think I looked really dumb, really inexperienced, and flat out bad.

How was I supposed to know about this? Maybe the moral of the story is take on camera classes if you want to be on camera, dumbass, not theater ones. Next week we get the sides beforehand. I don't know if I should memorize them or practice riffing on them. Maybe just maybe I should try to use those improv skills I've been working on for 2 years! (God, I'm dumb.) I have a lot to prove, my friends, that's pretty much all I have to say about it.

My new (pretend) best friend

Last week I had no idea who the hell Johnny Weir was. It just so happens I was flipping through an Entertainment Weekly during jury duty when I read a blurb recommending the new reality show "Be Good Johnny Weir". I set up the DVR and forgot about it. As things go, my smart little machine also recorded the documentary "Johnny Weir: Popstar on Ice". Last week I sat down unprepared to commit 90 minutes to the feature but started it anyway. And then I finished it.

Like most Americans, I care about figure skating/skaters once every 4 years. And even then, I don't care very much. Until I met Johnny Weir! Weir is a flamboyant, bitchy, funky, emotional, fun-spirited, breath of fresh air that provides the young, urban, hip demographic instant access to the mostly stodgy world of figure skating. Weir is somewhat controversial to the sport because he has a personality and he is unapologetically always himself. He embraces his feminine side (who doesn't look fruity when they skate? Fo' real!), he speaks his mind (hilariously offending the very easily shocked), and he loves Russia and Russian skaters despite being an American (my word!).

The documentary is well made, and I bet the majority of people walk out a Johnny Weir fan! Also, as a good documentary should, Weir was so relatable. He is a natural talent who easily took the gold earlier in his career, but then he hit a rough patch. His struggles allowed his main competitors to catch up to him and start beating him in competition. After a disappointing showing at the 2006 Winter games, the now 25 year old is vying for his place in the 2010 Olympics for the last time in his career and I will be glued to the TV rooting my guts out!

I'd like to think that I have a lot in common with Johnny Weir. Unlike him, I have never been labeled a phenomenal talent and made my mark on my industry as he has. But I adore that Weir works his ass off and although he doesn't always win, he keeps trying every single time like he will. His determination, passion, and work ethic combined with his struggles and frustrations ring amazingly true. Even under intense scrutiny, Weir does not compromise who he is for anyone despite the "experts" criticisms. He boldly self-labels himself as more of an artist than an athlete in a category where most people are athletes more than artists.

I so want Johnny to win. I want him to get everything that he's striving so hard to achieve and I want it to end up being worth it.

What to do? What to do?

Making the decision to pursue commercials. Check. Now what the hell comes next? I have never been in a god-damned commercial.

Commercial work is not really posted in the same way that film and theatre auditions are posted, in trade papers, on casting websites, etc. To me, the logical things to do seem like: book private sessions with as many peeps that I can at One on One, the Network, and Actors Connection, and take a class. Now, all this stuff costs money. Lots and lots of money. If I register for all of this bologna does that make me a go-getter or a total fool? Maybe both? I have to keep reminding myself, like some sort of mantra as dollar signs flow out of my bank account, that this is an investment.

As far as classes go, I'd like to find something affordable and something that starts sooner rather than later. This is what I've found:

1. There's a class at Atlantic with Paul Urcioli (a working commercial actor) but it doesn't begin until TBD. Upon further inquiry I was told it may not start up again until April/May or the summer time. This class is $380 for 2 1/2 hour classes for ? number of weeks. Great. I found the ambiguity of this class listing infuriating and a total turn off.
2. Casting Director David Cady of Donna DeSeta Casting offers a class that I've heard some word of mouth about. Apparently it's a great nuts and bolts all-inclusive class for beginners and also those with experience. It meets for 3 hrs. a week for 6 weeks for a whopping $450 and is currently accepting on rolling admission for early March. I'm very interested in this class. I am not, however, interested in dropping this much money...
   
3. Weist-Barron is an acting school that I know absolutely nothing about. I don't know one person who has ever attended there, I haven't even heard anybody mention it. Ever. Their classes run $350 for 20 hours of class broken down in various options.
4. A fellow actor told me about a Brooke and Mary commercial class that apparently refuses to advertise. I guess they are doing that well. Especially considering that they charge a ridiculous $425 for 2 hour classes for only 3 weeks! That comes down to 71 bucks an hour THAT GETS SHARED WITH 14 OTHER IDIOTS. And by the way, this class is sold out until May. Count me out.
   
5. At Actors Connection Don Case Casting CD Tish Ioli is teaching a 4 week On-Camera commercial class for $249. Now we're talking. My main concerns are that the class time length is not listed and it doesn't start until late March.
6. Also at Actors Connection: Herman & Lipson Casting CD Barry Shapiro has a 5-week On-Camera Commercial class that starts at the end of February for only $325. Ding ding ding! We have a winner.

Focus: Commercial

After some introspection and much needed peer counseling, it has come to my attention that I am such a frazzled maniac because I don't have a short term focus or any short term goals. I am all over the frickin' place! This leaves me feeling overwhelmed, lost, unproductive and generally depressed.

So, here it is. My short term focus is dedicated to getting commercial work. For the next 2-3ish months all my energy, classes, and meetings will be dedicated to exploration within the commercial field. Why commercial? Apparently it's easier to get a commercial agent than a legit one, it's decent money and exposure, and my improv and comedy training are assets to this side of the biz.

Let me start off by saying, other than accidentally watching commercials when I forget to fast-forward the DVR, I know nothing about commercial acting. Some actor friends of mine advised me: everything is happy in commercial copy, there are no conflicts, and there's no time for character. Okie dokie!

So, to start things off, I went to a One on One session with David Elliott of Buchwald. I went in, read my commercial copy, and acted perky. He was very nice and made the room super comfortable but he caught me off guard when he straight up asked me how old I was. I've been taught that we actors are supposed to dodge this question like woah! Instead you're supposed to give the age range that you could realistically portray. I don't really give a shit, so I told him and god bless his heart. He said, "That's a good age. You're not too old and you're not dumb anymore!" WORD. I left the room feeling really good but I think he's the kind of guy who makes everybody feel really good so we'll just see if the damn phone rings.

I also met Stacye Mayer of Paradigm at the Network. At the Network, Mayer addressed the whole group for a Q & A and she gave some guidance. Basically she says that commercial peeps are looking for personality. They don't expect big bold characters or for you to try too hard to sell a product, they just want to see you. This I'm a-ok with! Mayer also stressed how arbitrary commercial casting can be, "If you look like the casting agent's fiancée you'll get cast, if you look like their ex you won't." Nice. She also stressed that improv and sketch comedy training are very important (score!). My private session with her was pleasant as well, she gave me some adjustments to the copy, let me do it again, and told me to follow up with her when I have another improv show. Time to sit and wait. Oh yeah, Jeff Mitchell, Mayer likes postcards! Ass.

So far I haven't crashed and burned in front of anyone but beyond that I have no idea how I did. Maybe it will just be dumb luck. I've booked 2 more private sessions that are coming up. Hopefully I'll learn from doing, and keep doing until someone takes this bait.

A little 'splainin to do

I promised I'd explain what the hell One on One is, so to do this I'm going to insert an article I wrote a few months ago. It goes a little like this:

In the biz, it’s all about who you know. Every actor hears this, but the problem is figuring out who it is you need to know. In New York City several flourishing businesses are touting the promise that they can introduce you to those people.

These studios are all set up similarly hosting, for a price, classes and seminars with casting directors, managers, agents, and the like. To clarify: actors pay the studios and studios pay the guest casting directors, managers, agents, etc. While it’s a little hard to swallow the fact that you’re essentially paying for an audition, there are advantages and opportunities to be had. Classes are a great way to get to know an instructor better and prove yourself over the course of a few weeks. Seminars usually offer a group question and answer session followed by short individual meetings where you’re given the opportunity to strut your stuff. Here’s a little overview to distinguish one studio from another:

Actors Connection
Actors Connection has an established home just west of Times Square with plenty of well-equipped studios. There are numerous events happening 5-6 days/nights per week covering film, television, theater, commercials, industrial, and voice over work. Depending on whether you commit and buy a package, seminars will run about $30 a pop, and in general you can count on spending $300 per class. Actors Connection also offers a complimentary consultation with a seasoned actor to help gauge and direct each individual’s training.

For seminars, private appointments are assigned in the order you register. If you are the 16th person to register, be prepared to sit tight for an hour plus. However, appointments are strictly timed and a system of external door knocks is used to get everybody in and out of the room swiftly.

While Actors Connection focuses on professionally trained working actors, there is no screening process for admission so talent level and experience run the gamut.

PROS: Being mixed in with a group of just-ok actors could make a good actor seem really good. AC, by far, has the most variety in programming to choose from.
CONS: Being in a class surrounded by just-ok actors does not provide a ton of motivation to push yourself to the limit. Actually it gets downright painful watching mediocre work over and over and over for an entire 3-hour class. Also, getting paired with a neophyte actor for scene work can be tragic for a good actor. Avoid cold-reading partnered scenes at all costs! Watch your back and stick with a monologue or scenes with readers.

The Network
The Network does not have a permanent space, rather their classes and seminars are in various locations around town. They are not yet the well-oiled machine that Actors Connection is, however they do offer a plethora of events and classes covering similar genres. Seminars run a little bit cheaper at $25 each and as low as $16 each if you purchase a package. Be prepared to spend $300 per class and keep an eye out for surprise bargains in the mix.

What sets the Network apart from the rest is warmth and personal touch. The Network offers ongoing complimentary career consultations and personal phone calls from the staff when an auditioner is seeking actors of your type. At seminars, there is no external, rigid, timed end to individual meetings; you are free to wrap up in your own time. As a warning, this can become problematic and time consuming for the 10th, 11th, and 12th actors in line. The Network also produces its own One Act Festival in the fall, cultivating its talent and then giving it a chance to shine.

There is no screening process at the Network either. It is newer and smaller than Actors Connection so outliers are not as extreme.

PROS: The Network is kind of like Grandma serving you milk and homemade cookies. Here you truly feel supported, looked after and cared for.
CONS: More than 5-10 minutes with an auditioner is not only excessive but awkward! People can tell within the first minute whether they’re holding onto your headshot or trashing it. Spare everybody some embarrassment and relinquish the brown-nosing in favor of concise confidence.

One on One Productions
One on One has a beautiful brand-new facility in Midtown brimming with oodles of technology including stage lighting in each studio. It follows a similar model to the others with classes and private appointments (not seminars). Of the three, One on One is the most respectful of everybody’s precious time by assigning actors a specific 10-minute time slot.

One on One screens its members. Before being allowed to attend any events or on the full website, you must schedule and pass a monologue audition. The audition is not just a formality: not everybody is admitted. Naturally, this screening process gives One on One an edge prestige-wise both to auditioners and actors.

Once accepted, members pay a one time $50 fee and then pay anywhere from $25-$39 per private appointment and similar competitive prices for classes.

PROS: More so than at other venues, auditioners are in a more receptive mindset at One on One. They’re not just going through the motions for some quick pocket cash. And in class work, watching other high-level performers work can be very helpful, plus stiff competition really ramps up everybody’s game!
CONS: For a relatively new actor, the initial audition could be somewhat traumatic. Secondly, in this arena a good performance will be forgettable; it will take an excellent one to catch someone’s eye.

All of these studios are great because they empower the actor to take initiative and meet whomever they would like to meet instead of waiting around to get noticed. Influential, diverse guests visit all three places. Truth be told, if someone likes what they see, they will hold on to you regardless of where you meet them. Go where you feel the most comfortable and if there are specific individuals you want to meet, follow them to whichever studio they may be on a day that works for you.

How's that? You got it?

B-B-B-Business B-B-B-Blast!

Tonight I attended casting director Jeff Mitchell's BUSINESS BLAST!!! Caught in a moment of New Year's Resolution weakness I was lured in by the provocative email advertisement and low low $25 price for this seminar so I did it. Now that it's all said and done, my initial reaction: I want to smack this man in the head.

Right off the bat, I don't know how much power this man actually wields. I tend to see these seminars as desperate attempts to make extra pocket cash...I think most of my hostility is rooted in the mere fact that Mitchell takes 3 1/2 hours to say what should only take 2 hours max. Let me spare you the time and money and sum up every single one of his useful points:

• Headshot mailings are wasted on casting directors, so target agents. Send 1 mailing to each agent at an agency. Follow ups are bullshit, postcards are bullshit, and cover letters are overkill: use a post it.

• When emailing headshots and resumes use a hosting site to send links rather than attachments. Don't link people to personal websites, only use them after interest in you is expressed.

• Amateurish material on demo reels makes you look like an amateur. All reel footage should be from professional jobs distributed by major studios, large independent studios, or networks.

• Showcases, plays, and staged readings are only useful for expanding your craft and casting directors will not attend (or if they do, it makes them uncomfortable). The exception to the rule is involving yourself in one of these where you are working with a large number of represented actors. The agents will see you and their client perform and that is how the unrepresented can find representation.

• One on One* might feel dirty because you are ultimately paying for your audition, but do it anyway. Include a post it telling them that if they like what they see, you will work as an unpaid reader.

• Headshots should not just be of your head. Include your body to show your physique.

That's it. I promise. Mr. Long-winded can paraphrase the shit out of these points for hours, and dumbasses can ask ridiculously stupid questions for a few more mind-numbing minutes (REAL example: "Should I get a female mohawk?") but these are the nuts and bolts.

The things he said that I found utterly useless were:

• Youth and beauty reign supreme. Um, thanks Captain Obvious.

• If you're interested in film and television, why not pound the pavement in LA, the film capital of the world, instead of NY.

At the beginning of the session, forgive my crassness, I though Mitchell was a pussy. He took a long time making any point at all and he started with some bullshit about giving us spiritual advice?!?! Thank the lord he never fulfilled on that promise. The fact that he not only won my annoyance but also a little animosity is to his credit. Mitchell's personality and sarcasm started to come out when he read us real examples of psychotic cover letters and desperate postcards. I think he knows what he's doing. I got frustrated with him because (as seems to keep happening in my life) he kept on telling us what won't work and spent little time on what will. I really think he is just telling it like it is but I'm left feeling a little hopeless. I am not extraordinarily young or beautiful...I plan on kicking my One on One attendance into high gear, but he made some comment about if you go to 20 sessions and never hear back once, maybe you suck. It's very true and I respect his bluntness. I guess I'm scared. Scared of being told I suck. Granted, I haven't been to a One on One session in a long long time but I've probably been to 20 since I started in NY...and never...heard...back...His bit about LA over NY pissed me off too. We're in NY, dickhead. Nobody's packing up and leaving tomorrow because of you so tell us what to do here! Ugh, he's probably god damned right. He did back-pedal a little and say if you need the realness of New York City over the vapid soulless LA to maintain your sanity and keep at your art then maybe New York is the right choice. SOR-RY, but yesiree, I do need to be in NY close enough to run home to mommy and daddy and far away from the insanely gorgeous left coast majority that will make my self esteem plummet and surely win me an eating disorder. GAH!

I want to fuck you up Jeff Mitchell. Yeah, you, you little hernia-surgeried pussy man! For doubting that I will get what I want, I will take you down and slap the shit out of your big weird head.

*One on One is this...weird place. I'll explain in my next post, I swear.