Head versus Gut

I am so over my day job. I want to put my 2 weeks notice in immediately. I'm entirely too competent for this crap.

To get down to the nitty gritty, my parents are very supportive; more so financially than emotionally, but both nonetheless. They want me to pursue my dream and get what I want out of life. To paraphrase my father: since they are able to help me, my parents are happy to give me that advantage in such a difficult field. I adore them for this while also feeling extremely guilty and pathetic. So, basically, I get a monthly allowance that in conjunction with my blood money enable me to pay my ludicrous rent, eat somewhat sensibly, and take classes every once in a while. My end of this bargain is that I have to have health insurance. To paraphrase my mother: If you lose your insurance, no deal. You're completely cut-off! Pretty brutal. But I get it.

The only reason I still work at this ill-managed, hobo-ladden java joint is because I get part time benefits. I was sure that I could find another health insurance option. There are a few other places that offer part time benefits but I don't want to work at those other places, it would be easier to stay where I am. Paying cobra or independently is mega-expensive and most of the options for freelancers have a super high deductible and cover nothing! I am not overly needy but I'd like to continue getting my twice a month shrink appointments, my kill-the-baby pills, and regular tune-ups.

Here's my crazy plan: Maybe I quit my job and pay for non-sucky insurance. It would be an expense, but I certainly would still have enough money to live if I adjusted my spending in other areas. A chicky in my improv group is a cater-waiter. It sounds like she doesn't mind it, it's extremely flexible, and it pays decently. I also know someone who works for Story Pirates teaching and performing for kids in schools and she loves it! I also have an internet writing gig that pays me on a sliding scale depending on hits, subscriptions, etc. I could milk my connections to get a better job, use my time to build up that website, and maybe even concentrate on getting PAID acting work like commercials.

This plan releases an insane amount of pressure in my chest. But I'm scared! I don't know if I have the balls to do it! I'm not good with change! On the flip side , maybe the desperation will light the fire under my ass to get going in a career building direction.

My parents have advised me to have a plan before I quit my current job. That is the aggravatingly responsible thing to do. I should do that, my brain tells me I should do that. It's just that the rest of me is shrieking to get the fuck out of my current situation as fast as humanly possible. It'll all work out...right?...