My dilemma.

I'm pretty sure that the only way I'm going to make it in this industry is by doing things on my own terms. I sort of got into this on Saturday October 10. I know my strengths and my weaknesses and in what direction I'd like to move in. Knowing all of these things, I have faith in myself more than anyone else to produce a really great project. Problem is, as an actor, I would have to dedicate a whole lot of time to aspects other than just my acting performance. Producing your own project is not exactly quick or easy. Or can it be? I think with practice it really can be. Rewind: At my stage in the game producing my own project is not exactly quick or easy. I know that in the process, when all is said and done I will submit that project to every festival I can, post it and plug it on the internet, and try my darndest to get it seen by as many people as possible! The gamble here is time and the potential to waste it, whether it be on flaky potential directors or finalizing a script. If the project falls through, there could be nothing to show for my time and energy. (The voice inside my head screams: "Don't let if fall through! Get it done somehow! Just do it!)

My roommate is constantly auditioning and he is constantly involved in projects. Some of the projects are shitty and some are not. Sometimes I wonder if I should just take his lead, get out there, do my share of shitty projects in exchange for a few decent ones and let the cards fall. The scary and liberating part of this scenario is that as an actor, a lowly actor, you don't have much control over the situation other than your own performance. If I'm brilliant but the production is sub par I can't invite industry people. If I'm brilliant and the production is amazing and my fellow actors are also brilliant, I certainly would invite industry, that's a gamble though. Just because I invite certain agents and casting directors doesn't mean they won't latch on to anyone else or show up at all. I'd get experience out of it. I could build my resume. I could get footage for a reel. I could meet talented people. All of those things are really important!

The dilemma comes when I'm deciding where to concentrate my energy. Which of these two sides of the coin? My gut always tells me heads until I see one of my actor friends in a really great project...Perhaps I concentrate on heads for a while and let tails lay dormant for the time being. When heads becomes too tedious or overwhelming, I give tails a chance? Because it is extremely difficult to concentrate on both at the same time. It's counter-productive, I know, but it seems that whichever I chose, I'm wondering what could be happening on the other side of the coin.